Sometimes Leadership Is About Choosing What to See

Sometimes a leader’s impact is created in a moment that lasts only a few minutes. This summer, I watched that happen through an experience my son had during an insurance internship, and it reminded me how much a leader’s response can shape motivation, confidence, and performance. My son landed a sales internship with an insurance company in a role that was 100% commission. If he did not participate in a sale, he did not get paid at all. There were six other young people who entered the program around the same time. A couple were interns like my son, while the others were recent college graduates beginning their careers. I remember preparing him for the possibility that he might not make much money, but I still thought the experience would be worthwhile because it offered exposure to a professional environment, an opportunity to learn a new industry, and the chance to earn the recognized licenses required to sell insurance.

He took that opportunity seriously. He studied hard, passed the required licensing examinations, and eventually earned the chance to work alongside some of the more experienced people in the office. For someone who was still relatively new to the job market and working in an area that was outside his comfort zone, that alone made the summer valuable. What I did not expect was that one of the most important lessons he would take away from the experience would have very little to do with insurance and much more to do with leadership.

A Difficult Morning

One morning, the car my son normally used would not start. My wife had already left for work, I was away from the house, and there was no additional car available. By the time he realized he needed another option, even getting an Uber would have made him late. He panicked, tried to get the car working, and began looking for alternatives. Eventually he found a way to get to the office, but he arrived about an hour and a half late. To make matters worse, there happened to be a larger team meeting that morning.

When he later told me what happened, I expected to hear that his supervisor had pulled him aside and reprimanded him about his tardiness. Instead, the supervisor did something completely different. He asked my son to stand in front of the group and recognized him for making the effort to get there. His message was essentially that this young man had every reason to stay home. His transportation had failed, he knew he would be late, and the easy decision would have been to give up. Instead, he kept working the problem because he wanted to be there.

The supervisor told the group that this was the kind of commitment and attitude he wanted to see. What struck me about the moment was that the facts had not changed. My son was still late. The supervisor could have focused entirely on the lateness, embarrassed him, or warned him that it could not happen again, and technically he would not have been wrong. Instead, he chose to look beneath the outcome and recognize the behavior behind it.

The Leadership Choice Behind the Moment

My son had encountered an obstacle and kept trying. The supervisor chose to reinforce that behavior, and the effect was much larger than I think he could have known at the time. My son came home and told me about the experience almost immediately. He was proud that his effort had been noticed, and from that point forward I saw a meaningful change in how he approached the job.

He became more motivated and more engaged. He showed up consistently, worked hard, continued learning, and became more confident in a role that had initially been outside his comfort zone. By the end of the summer, the young man I was not sure would make much money in a commission sales job had actually earned more than he had in any previous summer position. He also left with professional licenses, sales experience, and a stronger sense of confidence in his own ability.

What interests me most is how small the leadership action actually was. There was no formal training program involved, no motivational speech, no special bonus, and no employee recognition campaign. A leader simply encountered a moment and made a choice about how to interpret it. He could have recognized the failure. Instead, he recognized the effort behind it.

That does not mean leaders should ignore poor performance or eliminate accountability. Repeated lateness, missed commitments, or consistently weak performance still need to be addressed. But good leadership also requires understanding the difference between a performance problem and a person encountering a problem. Those are not always the same thing.

In moments like this, the more useful question may not simply be, “What went wrong?” It may also be, “What behavior do I want to reinforce?” That subtle difference can shape how an employee interprets the moment, how they view their leader, and how motivated they are to respond afterward.

Leaders Create Moments People Remember

I do not know whether my son’s supervisor thought deeply about what he was doing that morning. It may simply have been his natural leadership style. But I know the impact it had. Months later, my son still remembers that moment, and as his father, so do I.

That is worth considering because leaders create moments like this every day, often without realizing it. A comment in a meeting, a reaction when something goes wrong, recognizing someone’s effort, or deciding whether to correct someone publicly or privately can all have a lasting effect. Employees remember those moments, sometimes far longer than leaders do.

The lesson I took away from my son’s summer was simple. Leadership is not only about holding people accountable when they fall short. It is also about recognizing what is worth encouraging when things do not go exactly as planned. A missed expectation can be corrected, but a motivated employee can become something much more valuable.